


I Have Been Thinking

by Rjslpets



Series: Therapeutic Conversations [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), The Avengers should try it, Therapy is useful, adult conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 03:45:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8085799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rjslpets/pseuds/Rjslpets
Summary: Tony has been thinking about his last conversation with his therapist and he has another issue to address.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this turned into a series! Therapy is a useful way to discuss problems and I am using Tony and his therapist to talk things out. BTW - his therapist is very in to the Socratic method.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this

“I’ve been thinking about what you said…about Rogers last session.”

“And?”

“I guess…if Rogers is normally an asshole than, maybe, I didn’t do anything to make him _not_ tell me. About my parents I mean. That, maybe, he didn’t tell me because he couldn’t take what it meant and telling himself that it was because of me was just an excuse, which is actually what he said in that bullshit note.”

“And, forgive this question, but we are trained to ask it, how does that make you feel?”

“Yeah, how expected! I am just as angry, but I feel better about me, if that makes sense? He should have told me and he had no reason not to tell me except that he didn’t want to deal with it. And that makes him the asshole in this situation at least.”

“Great! This is why we have this on-going conversation about responsibility and guilt.”

There is silence; they stare at each other and Tony can almost feel her willing him to finally admit the connection. But he just doesn’t. To her credit, she doesn’t appear either disappointed or surprised, but continues with her thought.

“When you decide to take responsibility for everything that happens, you can stop seeing other people as real in a way. If you are always the one who is guilty, then you are assuming that no one else acts, except in response to your actions. That’s a child’s view of the world. And it lets people off the hook for the decisions they made and the actions they took. If you feel guilty and responsible, then the people you are interacting with don’t have to. And that is unfair to them.”

“Still not sure that I get what you’re saying.”

“OK, let’s think about what we discussed about Steve Rogers as an example. You now see his actions independent of you and your actions and that changes your understanding of your responsibility for the situation – doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Tony grudgingly assents, but as usual Dr. Sorens seems unaffected by his reluctance and continues on, taking his agreement at face value.

“OK – keeping that in mind, let’s discuss another situation. Choose something that you feel you’re responsible for in the argument.”  She never calls it ‘the civil war’ instead always focusing on the circumstances as a (sometimes violent) argument. At first it had been a relief for Tony and now, well, it makes him feel that what had happened was not so profound that they could never come back from it, if they wanted to.

“OK, I feel that I am responsible for everyone choosing his side. That if anyone else, like Rhodey, had presented the Accords, they would have been more open and receptive to the arguments.”

“To clarify, we are discussing Sam Wilson, Clint Barton, Wanda Maximoff, and Scott Lang?”

“Well, not the Ant Guy, since he came in later and I have no real idea what he was fighting over. But mostly Sam, Clint and Wanda, and Natasha come to think of it.”

“OK, why do you think they were on Steve Rogers’ side of the argument?”

“I’m…not sure actually. I guess that Wanda never trusted or liked me which is fair… Sam Wilson was Rogers mini-me. But I fought with both Clint and Natasha, made them weapons. Which he used to attack Vision and me. I’m not sure what I did – I guess, it was Ultron.”

“But they were both fine with Wanda Maximoff who helped Ultron, were they not?  Why would they hold a mistake against you and not hold her choice against her if Ultron was the reason?”

Tony really didn’t have an answer for that one. He had never really thought beyond the fact that Ultron was his mistake, that Wanda and her brother had chosen to ally themselves with the AI. He had just assumed that the basis for everyone’s distrust was the Ultron debacle, but Dr. Sorens has a point. If Ultron is a reason to distrust him, why would they trust Wanda?

“Tony, remember how we discussed that Steve Rogers’ actions were mostly about him and only peripherally about you? It’s possible that the same situation exists for these people.”

There was another pause; Tony shakes his head – he has nothing.

“I don’t know these people but would you say that they have strong moral compasses; that they rely on that internal compass to make their moral decisions. OR do they rely on something or someone outside of themselves to tell them what is the right thing to do?”

This time the silence lasts a much longer time. Tony really thought about the assassin twins and how they made decisions. Suddenly, he has a very clear thought – Clint and Natasha had trusted Nick Fury to make good choices. Tony did believe that Fury had had strong beliefs but he would never have trusted the man to make a moral decision for him. He had considered him to be too willing to cut corners, to sacrifice others to make his moves without considering the moral costs. But Clint and Natasha had trusted him.

“Clint and Natasha trusted their boss to make moral decisions. He was an “end justifies the means” kind of guy and I wouldn’t trust him. They spied for him; they _killed_ on his say so.”

“So you would say that they are more likely to trust another to make moral decisions for them?”

“Yeah, given their backgrounds, I think they do. I mean I don’t think they would do anything evil even if told to. Although they were apparently working for Hydra so there is that.”

“So they can recognize and make decisions in clear, unambiguous circumstances? But they might not make an independent moral judgement in less than clear circumstances? They would look for some indication of what to do from someone else?”  


“Yeah, I think that’s right. The only time that I know of when Clint went against orders was when he met Natasha. But he worked for SHIELD for a long time.”

“So do you think that might have factored into their decision to follow Steve Rogers? You have often said that he exudes a moral certainty.”

“I think I said that he was so righteous that I often want to punch him in his perfect teeth.”

“Potayto, potato. Still if you were unsure about a moral choice, would you rely on someone like Steve Rogers to steer you?”

“I guess, yeah. And I can see the appeal of his argument.” At her look, he continues, “I do. It is very human and sympathetic.’ I’m a good guy so you should trust me.’ But it’s still wrong. Even if Steve fucking Rogers were the perfect person, it would still be giving him something that no one else on earth gets, the ability not to have to answer to anyone. He is basically arguing that the Avengers are above all laws and, therefore, superior to the people that they’re supposedly protecting! And I don’t get why they call me an egotist when he is basically saying that the entire fucking world should just accept that he knows best!” He was yelling and gasping by the end of his tirade.

“Do you need a minute?” This is a code question Tony had learned. The therapist always gives him a moment to compose himself if he felt too vulnerable. It’s comforting to know that she wouldn’t push past what he could handle. He shakes his head; he is angry but they could go on.

“So the situation with the Accords was very complicated and Steve Rogers, who is morally certain, has an appealing stance. Is it possible that is why the others listened to him and followed him? You have to be able to morally reason through a complicated set of moral principles to form an opinion about the Accords. There is the role of law in a society, responsibility to others, international norms and respect for other people’s moral autonomy. For anyone who isn’t comfortable with making moral choices, it would be daunting, don’t you think?”

“So I wasn’t a factor or how they felt about me wasn’t?”

“I don’t know that it wasn’t a factor, but it is rare that people react to only one circumstance in a situation. How someone handles complicated moral choices would probably influence their behavior more than who was presenting the moral choice. Now, let’s look at the people on your side, Col. Rhodes and the Vision. Would you say that they have strong moral compasses?”

“Definitely. Rhodey has always known what is right, and he studied moral decision making in his officer training. Vision is supposedly lawful good down to his vibranium bones. This is going to come back to responsibility and guilt, isn’t it?”

Dr. Sorens smiled at him.


End file.
